Big Girl (You Are Beautiful)
by chloebeale
Summary: Cynthia Rose is the easy winner of the who's-the-gay contest, but Amy knows that if Cynthia is gay, she's not the only one. Because Amy's a lesbian herself. (Amy/Aubrey) An unconventional pairing, but give it a try.


"So there's ten of us, right? That means one of us is probably a lesbian."

Amy has ulterior motives for asking this. The main motive is to see how Aubrey will react to the mention of the word 'lesbian.' Whether she'll recoil, seem disgusted, or not be bothered by it.

"Who do you think it is?"

She doesn't seem disgusted. That's a good sign…

"My bet's on Black Beauty."

Cynthia Rose is the easy winner of the who's-the-gay contest, but Amy knows that if Cynthia is gay, she's not the only one. Because Amy's a lesbian herself.

She's not comfortable with it yet; it's something she's known in the back of her mind for awhile. She tries her hardest to seem straight, always overcompensating by mentioning her large number of boyfriends despite the fact that she's only dated one boy and never wants to date one again.

Amy comes across to most people as overconfident. But the truth is, she's not at all. She pretends to be that way just so people won't think she's pathetic.

It's not just her sexuality, either, it's everything. Amy rarely likes what she sees in the mirror. She doesn't like her appearance, or her weight. She hates the name Patricia, having renamed herself several years prior. And it isn't until she joins the Bellas that Amy feels like she belongs somewhere.

She can't help her immediate attraction to Aubrey. Amy can sense the senior's insecurities just by the way she carries herself, and though she's a little uptight, Amy thinks maybe she can get her to let loose a little. Or at least she plans to.

Her feelings only grow throughout the year, spending a great deal of time rehearsing with the Bellas, with Aubrey yelling at them. Normally she would fight against someone who is telling her what to do, but not Aubrey. Amy desperately wants Aubrey to like her.

That's why she does what she does at sectionals.

"Just stick to the routine, Amy."

Aubrey says this after Amy, during her solo, tears off her jacket and rips open her shirt. She thinks this will make things interesting and hopes that Aubrey will notice and appreciate her more.

She notices alright, but not in the way Amy hopes. She doesn't get angry, either, not the way she gets when Beca throws their routine at regionals. That gives her hope.

Amy spends much of her spring break reminiscing about her time with the Bellas, which she thinks has come to an end. The idea of not seeing Aubrey every day is actually really difficult for her to get used to.

But then, as if fate has stepped in, they're back in. So they meet up for what's meant to be a rehearsal but what turns out to be a full on brawl between Aubrey and Chloe. Seeing the girls, who are supposed to be best friends, fight bothers her.

She throws herself into the fray, pulling Aubrey off of Chloe and trying her best to separate them.

Ultimately it's Beca's arrival that ends the fight.

They all give out confessions about themselves in an effort to feel closer to one another. Amy makes a show about Cynthia Rose's confession, waiting for her to admit that she's a lesbian. Again, this is another effort to get any attention off of her own sexuality.

Cynthia's confession is actually about her gambling problem, but when she mentions it's due to her ex-girlfriend, Amy announces "there it is."

She hears one of their more transparent members, Denise, whisper something that sounds like "I still love you" to the butch bass.

When it comes time for her own confession, Amy shakes it off. She tells them that she's an open book, there's nothing they don't know about her. But when they look at her like that, so expectantly, she knows she has to admit something.

Which one of her secrets should it be? That she's a lesbian, desperately crushing on their fearless leader who doesn't notice her beyond being just another member of her precious acapella group? That she's actually really insecure about her weight, despite acting otherwise?

She settles on the name thing, which is probably the least personal of all, but still a secret.

The confessions bring them closer somehow, but Amy makes a mental note of the fact that Aubrey doesn't really tell anything about herself. She wishes she would have, though, because she has a serious need to learn more about the Barden senior.

They work on a brand new routine, spending a great deal of time together like they did before break. Amy enjoys rehearsals despite the emphasis on cardio and dancing in their routine.

When they win nationals, Aubrey can't be happier. Amy thinks this is the first time she's ever seen her really smile, and her heart beats faster in her chest as the Bellas start dwindling down, eventually leaving only herself and Aubrey to walk out together.

"You were great."

Aubrey tells her and she actually means it.

Amy grins. "If I was great, it's only cause I had you to lead me."

It seems like Aubrey is genuinely surprised by the comment, a slight blush coming to her cheeks. She asks if Amy wants to get a celebratory drink, and it doesn't take any coercing to get the younger woman to agree.

They go to the bar near campus that is notorious for not checking IDs and order drinks, chatting about nationals and the Bellas and whatever else comes to mind.

"It's crazy to think I'm graduating from Barden in a few months." Aubrey murmurs as she swirls her cocktail straw in her beverage.

"I forgot about that. It's going to be weird without you. Am I never going to see you again?"

Amy doesn't mean to sound so pathetic or upset about it, but she can't help herself. She actually feels tears coming to her eyes. She's not ready for her time with Aubrey to end.

"I'm completing my pre-law degree at Barden, but I'm staying in the area to go to law school." Aubrey explains, noticing that Amy seems visibly upset. She puts her hand on the other girl's shoulder. "You're going to see me. You're going to see me a ton. You can't get rid of me that easily and the Bellas might need me now and then, right? Besides, I haven't had many friends before. I'm not going to lose you."

The way Aubrey says this touches Amy. She seems so genuine and sweet. A swell of feelings come over Amy and they manifest in the form of a sudden hug. Aubrey laughs and hugs her back just as tightly before they pull away.

"You might not like to show it, Aubrey, but you got the fattest heart of us all."

Aubrey herself starts to get teary eyed.

"You really think that, Amy? I thought you all hated me, I've been kind of a bitch the whole year."

Amy shakes her head hard when Aubrey calls herself a bitch.

"I could never hate you. You were just trying to do what was best for us."

"I'm glad you can see that. I was worried I came across wrong." Aubrey's smiling.

"Not to me." Amy reassures her, finishing up her drink. She eyes the blond, emboldened by the alcohol in her system. "Walk me to my dorm?"

Taking a last sip of her martini and a bite out of the leftover olive, Aubrey nodded, slapping a tip on the table for the bartender and following Amy out of the bar.

"You know, you have always been my favorite Bella." Aubrey admits, linking her arm in Amy's.

Amy looks at her with a hint of surprise on her face.

"I thought Chloe was your favorite."

"She doesn't count, I meant of all the new recruits. You're my favorite. Always have been."

"Why?"

Amy can't imagine why Aubrey would say something like that about her. She's a decent singer, sure, but she never got the impression that the girl appreciated her very much.

"You've got serious potential. Plus you make me laugh. And that's not easy. I just really like being around you, Amy. I feel like I can let go a little."

"Yeah, of course you can. Just be yourself. I like you." Amy hopes she doesn't sound like an idiot.

She leads them down the sidewalk, the grass wet in the cover of night as they approach campus. Aubrey's smiling again and something about seeing her face light up like that makes Amy's heart race faster than any amount of cardio ever could.

"Why do you like me? I mean, I told you why you're my favorite, but what did I do to get you to like me so much? I don't think the other girls do." Aubrey sounds like it bothers her quite a bit to know the other Bellas don't hold her in the highest regard.

Amy stops walking and looks at Aubrey, trying to sort through all her feelings for only a few reasons why she likes the beautiful girl before her.

"We're not that different, you and me. We just deal with our insecurities differently. I guess when I look at you I see another version of myself."

The explanation doesn't feel like enough to Amy. Aubrey stares at her in disbelief.

"Insecurities? But you're so confident, Amy." She doesn't refute Amy's observation about her own insecurities, because she's right.

Amy laughs. "I'm not really. It's all a front." She admits before they start walking in the direction of her dorm building.

Aubrey stays quiet, apparently still thinking about what Amy's just said. When they reach the door to Amy's dorm room, the younger woman feels Aubrey's eyes on her.

"You should be confident." Her voice rings out through the silent hallway. "You're beautiful."

Due to everything she's been through, all the abuse and the name-calling (a lot of it from herself), Amy doesn't believe Aubrey's words. She doesn't meet her gaze.

"You are," Aubrey continues, more urgently. She grabs Amy's face in her hands, an action that startles the freshman. "Not in spite of your weight, either. Because of it." She takes a deep breath. "You deserve all the best things, Amy. You're the most amazing woman I've ever met. This whole year, it's been hard for me. Knowing I'm about to leave the one place where I felt at home, it's not easy. I had a lot of moments when I started questioning myself and what I did. But you never have. You're…I don't know what I did to deserve to have you as my friend, but I'm really thankful. I couldn't have made it through this year without you."

Amy is still and silent, unable to form a coherent response to what she's just been told. No one's ever said something like this to her before.

"Say something." Aubrey pleads, letting go of her.

"Aubrey, I…" It's not often Amy finds herself tongue-tied. Her stomach is in knots. "I've spent the whole year with this horrible crush on you and I just—it's—"

Aubrey's eyes widen in surprise. Not disgust, Amy notes.

"You have a crush on me?"

"The biggest, fattest toner you've ever seen." Amy grins despite the fact that she's not sure how Aubrey will react to her confession.

"I wish you would've said something sooner."

"Why?"

"So that I could do this," Aubrey murmurs, closing the distance between them.

Her hands find Amy's waist and she brings their lips together slowly. Amy realizes that they're both trembling. She kisses back, her mind a mess as she feels Aubrey's mouth move achingly against her own.


End file.
